Dark Side of the Moon
by Teenlaunch
Summary: A conversation with one Remus Lupin is always enlightening. That is exactly what werewolf bite victim Nathan Skayler finds out when the amiable werewolf visits him in the Dai Llewellyn Ward on Christmas. Set during the visit to Mr. Weasley in OotP.


Dark Side of the Moon

By: Teenlaunch

A/N: Sorry for the long wait on my last story guys. I'll try to get it up soon. But anyway, this is one of my favorites that I've written. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Would I really be sitting here writing this if I owned Harry Potter? No! Get a life people!

Christmas Day and St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries was buzzing with noise. Elves and workers were singing loudly in the halls. Magical Christmas trees were sitting in every corner. Ornaments floated near the ceiling like giant fireflies. People were laughing and opening gifts, acting as though they weren't confined to hospital beds and were at home sitting around their own tree. But not one lonely man in the Dai Llewellyn Ward. He didn't really feel like celebrating Christmas, not after his accident. But he still watched as one of his neighbors welcomed an extremely large group of guests.

"-old Muggle remedies…well, they're called_ stitches_, Molly, and they work very well on – on Muggle wounds-"

Nathan Skayler winced as his still overpowered senses caught the man's wavering voice. He glanced over at the large party crowded around the next bed which was quickly dwindling as the wife seemed to be puffing up in indignation. The younger ones announced how suddenly parched they had become and all left in a swarm. Even one of the men looked up, and over…at him.

Nathan felt his heart seize with fear as the man walked over to him, a faint smile on his lips. The man was rather shabby looking in his very tattered, worn, and patched brown robes which hung loosely from his lanky body. His face was lined and his hair graying, but Nathan was surprised at the youthfulness that showed in his smile and the very way he held himself. He seemed full of youthful vibrancy in that innocent face and tired but hopeful eyes. Something about the man gave off a very comfortable, welcoming air. The man stopped at Nathan's bedside and they simply stared at one another.

"It sounds as though you've been trying to sew your skin back together, but even you, Arthur, wouldn't be _that _stupid-" Nathan heard the woman laugh, but paid her no mind as even more of her group disappeared to quench their thirst.

Nathan was surprised to see no pity on the man's face. Surely that man had let slip why he was in this wretched asylum in the first place. He watched as the man sat down at the foot of his bed making it dip gently in his direction. The man moved cautiously, as though he calculated every move before he made it, but he possessed uncanny grace and calm. And it was he who spoke first.

"You seem to be coming along nicely."

"Yes. I-"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THAT'S THE GENERAL IDEA?" came from his neighbor's bedside.

Nathan clapped his hands over his ears and groaned. The other man sighed and got up to close the privacy curtains. Immediately, the din was silenced by the spellwork on them. Nathan sighed and relaxed. The man smiled gently at him as he sat back down. "Sorry about Molly. She means well. She wasn't thinking." He smiled again, taking care to keep his eyes on Nathan's face. "Anything I can do for you?"

Nathan snorted. "Got a cure?"

The man smiled widely and looked down, murmuring, "Don't I wish?" He looked up and extended a hand. "Remus Lupin."

"Uh," he took the hand cautiously. "Skayler, Nathan Skayler."

"Nice to meet you. I hope you're doing well."

Nathan shrugged. "If you call depression well." Lupin laughed and Nathan bristled at the sound. "What's so funny? You think being told you're a werewolf is a walk in the park?" he snapped.

Lupin stopped laughing and frowned. "I never said it was. I just remembered something. That's all. Sorry to have offended you."

"No, I'm sorry," Nathan said looking abashed. "I've been having bad mood swings lately. They've told me it's because the full moon is in two weeks. According to them, I'll start ignoring the pain when I get used to the transformations, about three more full moons, so they say."

"It's understandable. Anyone would get cranky when in pain, don't you think? Even cranky enough to threaten a bite to a fellow bite victim?" Nathan coughed to hide his embarrassment. "Besides, you've just been told you're going to be shunned and ridiculed for the rest of your life. What else is expected? Surely not immediate acceptance, in my opinion."

Nathan blinked. "Well, yes, when you put it that way, there is a certain damper on the situation, not that the entire thing isn't horrible. Darn werewolves. I can't stand them. Bunch of bloodthirsty monsters walking around in broad daylight, acting like they're normal when they're just picking out their next meal."

Lupin sighed. "I'm sorry you feel that way. But you do realize you just cursed yourself, yes? And, you'll soon be walking around yourself acting like you're normal, unless you plan to hang a sign around your neck advertising your condition to the world." He gave Nathan a knowing smile.

Nathan opened his mouth then closed it with a snap and stared dumbly at him. "Oh. Right. I guess I'll have to rethink my opinions a bit."

Lupin chuckled. "I think that would be wise. So, what do you think of them now?"

"I…uh…well, they're…" Nathan paused. No matter how he looked at it, the situation was still hopeless and the bite had just reinforced his views on werewolves even more. "This is ridiculous! I still think they're bloodthirsty monsters that just happen to look human ninety-nine percent of the time! Alright? I can't help it. That's the way my parents taught me. You'll find I'm a little set in my ways."

Lupin's face fell slightly. "You'll have to get over that. A lot's about to change for you my friend. And I'm talking about out in the real world. In here, everyone likes you, out there it'll be different. You may find yourself wishing you were back here." He sighed. "It's a pity your parents are prejudiced against werewolves, when their son is now one of their number. Many werewolves seem to have that problem, at least every one I have met, and I've met quite a few. Many people would never suspect that nearly six percent of Great Britain's wizard population is registered with the werewolf handicap. Have your parents been told or has it been left up to you?" Lupin's hands fidgeted on the covers as he spoke.

Nathan turned away. "I-I don't know. They haven't come by, if that's what you mean. I've only been visited by doctors and sympathizers, well, and my girlfriend. I mean, only the kooks who think I'm still worth a galleon to them have stopped to talk with me. They've all given me their insight of course. I must've had the entire Ministry of Magic Werewolf Mandates recited to me at least three times. I think they believe I'll forget all ten thousand of them if they don't keep reminding me. You're obviously one of those sympathizers trying to push his philosophy on me." Nathan finished bitterly, frowning at the curtain around his bed.

"No. Not at all. Entirely the reverse actually."

Nathan's head whipped back around. "Then why are you here, talking with me like I'm a normal person and all that when I could turn on you any second?"

"For one thing, the only time anyone need worry about you attacking them is on the full moon. Second, you looked like you needed some company. Perhaps I am wrong, but isn't Christmas a time for socializing, among other things?"

Nathan snorted, a lopsided grin on his face. "Yes, if you're normal. But as I said people like me don't get visitors except healers, sympathizers, and kooks. You said it yourself, I'm condemned to a life of persecution now, all thanks to the werewolf that bit me."

"True, but you don't have to be miserable." Lupin sat back and looked around for a moment. "You said," he murmured, looking at the ceiling, "that you needed to rethink your standing on werewolves now that you are one yourself. And it seems you're having a bit of trouble. Do you mind if I give you my view of them to provide some insight?"

"Go ahead, everyone else has," Nathan grumbled.

Lupin continued to stare off into space for a moment then sighed. "Werewolves are cursed to transform under the influence of the full moon once a month."

"Obviously," Nathan muttered.

"Rather painful process that requires the man who becomes the wolf to become accustomed to it, building muscles and a pain tolerance they never would have reached normally, considering we are talking about your average man. Once a month they turn into a beast. They can't control it. But, I guess that's what the Wolfsbane Potion is for. So, when you think about it, they really aren't to blame. They live a life of constant pain and suffering, not to mention they are unable to keep a job, and many are too scared to raise a family what with their transformations each month and the people who would try to take their family away from them. And most of them don't want to hurt anyone, so they tend to be very antisocial."

Nathan interrupted suddenly, as every healer he'd tried to ask before hadn't stayed long enough to see if he had questions. "What about women?"

Lupin paused and furrowed his brow. "I have only ever heard of a couple women becoming werewolves. I believe it's due to the fact that women who are bitten, are usually eaten by the wolf, as werewolves seem to prefer a woman's flesh. Rather nasty business. Apparently werewolves realize men don't taste too good and spit them back out after they've bitten them. Sorry for your luck."

"Sorry? Sorry! I want to kill him! I don't care if I go to Azkaban! I'm going to look on that register at the Ministry. I'll have to find out what department it's in and poke around while they have those mandatory checks. Unfortunately, I don't know when they're held."

"Every three years in January. Coldest month of the year. And in the coldest department of the Ministry too."

Nathan stared at him. "How do you know that? Wait…You-you're a werewolf? I thought he was lying when he said he knew a werewolf." Nathan jerked his head in the direction of the other bed.

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that? Because, if you do, I can leave." Lupin got up slightly.

Nathan put a hand on his arm. "No! Please, I want to talk to you. These doctors, they keep saying it will get better, that I have nothing to worry about. Is that true?" Nathan was dreading the answer, but here was someone who wouldn't lie to him, someone who knew what it was like facing this new life.

"Whoever told you that, believes everything the power-hungry and all-knowing people of the world say. They obviously haven't known a werewolf. I was bitten when I was six, and my parents searched for years to find a cure. They were sure that no one would take me, that I wouldn't even be trained to be a wizard. But God was good to me and led my parents to Albus Dumbledore, the man who sheltered me and then later gave me a job at Hogwarts. I have been blessed with many friends, including three best friends, one of which is now dead, one a traitor, and one a convicted murderer. They broke the law to make me more comfortable during my transformations. They stayed with me."

"And you never bit them?" Nathan asked incredulously.

"No." Lupin shook his head. "They were very careful and succeeded in making my transformations throughout the school year bearable, if not the happiest times of my life." Lupin sighed. "I wish I could tell you the rest of my story is that happy, but it's not. After the Wolfsbane Potion was developed I got better, but the pain is still immense. And the discrimination is horrible. People don't understand that we're normal ninety-nine percent of the time. They think that because we transform once a month, we're that rabid and bloodthirsty all the time. Sound familiar?" Nathan nodded sheepishly. "I'd like to tell you that it really isn't that bad, that you'll be able to find work, that you'll be able to walk around without being pointed at, that you'll be able to be normal, but I can't. It's really just the opposite."

"Hold on, were you the werewolf that bit me?" Nathan asked savagely, sitting up in his bed quickly.

Lupin cocked his head. "I don't think so. I take the Wolfsbane Potion before every transformation, so I can keep my mind. But it wouldn't hurt to check, would it? What did the wolf look like?"

"Best as I could tell it was black with a large streak of black on its head."

"Well, I didn't bite you. I'm solid brown, almost auburn you could say."

"Oh," Nathan said, relaxing slightly.

"You're in for a rough ride, my friend. You'll feel sick and tired a lot, at least around the. You'll likely have to find another job. Your own family might shun you. You practically have to start all over again. It's a pitiful life to lead. But I hope you can find friends like I had. They kept me going."

They fell into silence for a moment, then Nathan spoke. "I guess my girl keeps me going. She's promised that this won't change anything, that she still loves me, even though I'm a monster." He paused and looked over at the curtain again. "You know, I think I liked the doctor's version better."

Lupin threw his head back in a full blown laugh. "Yes, I suppose you would. However, there are advantages to being a werewolf. For instance, your senses are heightened immensely. Makes it good for spying or just about anything, finding food, telling if someone is lying, finding things you've lost. James once lost his lucky wristband. He wore it everywhere. Must have spent two days looking for it. He asked me if I knew where it was and I just pointed to the top of his four-poster. It was stuck on one of the posts. He was so mad that I had found it that quickly. Of course, I had known it was there all along. I didn't tell him I could smell it from the common room."

Nathan laughed appreciatively as Lupin went on. "There was another time we decided we would play poker, strip poker of course, knowing us, and one of my friends had gotten some firewhiskey. Well, halfway through the game I heard someone coming up the stairs. We only had enough time to push the bottle under the bed before McGonagall walked in. They never let me live that one down." He smiled. "Of course, I guess right now your senses are overloaded. It takes a while to get used to it. Sometimes I wish I didn't have enhanced senses. Annoying most times, actually. Can't live in total ignorance anymore, and there are some things you just wish you'd never heard or smelt if you catch my drift. But you'll get over it eventually. Then things like Molly yelling at Arthur won't be so unbearable."

Nathan snorted. "I'll take your word for it." A comfortable silence fell again as they looked away from each other, one watching the curtain swaying with a nonexistent breeze and the other focused on the calendar above the bed that was softly humming Silent Night. "Lupin-"

"It's Remus, please."

"Okay, Remus, what-what keeps you going now? I mean, you said that one friend is dead, another a traitor, and the last a convicted murderer. Why do you keep going when you have nothing left?"

Lupin sighed. "First off, I shouldn't have said convicted murderer. He's innocent, but no one believes him. He's in hiding now. I guess he's one reason I keep going. I don't want to let him down."

"Any others? Surely there must be more, what with him being in hiding, how can you see him all the time? There must be something else. What is it?"

"I-"

The curtain around the bed was suddenly whipped away and a boy stepped through the gap. He closed it behind him quickly. He gazed around frantically and his eyes landed on Lupin. The boy had jet-black hair that stuck up in every direction and blazing green eyes, currently fixed on Lupin's own inviting chestnut. Nathan's eyes flicked up to the boy's forehead where a lightning bolt scar seemed to glow red against his unusually pale skin, and gasped as he recognized him. It was Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, in his lonely room. His lanky frame was shaking so badly that he barely made it to Lupin before he collapsed, his weight barely tipping the bed in Lupin's direction.

Nathan watched, entranced, as Lupin clasped the boy, a little awkwardly at first, to his chest as Harry's arms wrapped around him. Harry buried his head in Lupin's shabby robes and didn't look up. Lupin glanced at Nathan and held up a hand, signaling for him to stay quiet. Lupin ran gentle (albeit shaky) fingers through the boy's messy hair. "Harry, what's wrong? Harry? Come on, answer old Remus."

Harry's voice was muffled by Lupin's chest. "You're not old."

Lupin smiled softly. "But, I feel old." He tried to shift Harry around in his arms, but Harry refused to let go of his robes. "What's gotten into you, Harry? I've never seen you like this."

"Nothing."

"Stop lying to me or you'll answer to your godfather when we get home. And you know how strict he is." Harry laughed, making Lupin's body shake. "Harry-"

"Professor Lupin-"

"It's Remus, Harry, or at least Lupin. I'm not your professor anymore."

Harry was silent for a minute. "Promise you'll never leave."

Lupin froze, worry creeping into his face. "What? Harry, what's happened? Where are the others?"

"Still in the Janus Thickey ward, the long-term resident ward where Lockhart and the Longbottoms are cared for."

"Did someone in the ward say something, Harry or-"

"No. I just…I remembered something from this summer. I guess seeing Neville's parents jogged my memory."

Lupin gently pried Harry away from him, but the boy still kept Lupin's robes fisted in his hands. "What was it you remembered?"

Harry looked up at him with sad eyes, his face otherwise calm. If Nathan couldn't hear the fear in his voice, he'd never know something was troubling the Boy-Who-Lived. Harry rested his forehead against Lupin's shoulder. "It was just a dream."

"It must have been bad to have you this shaken up."

Harry shook his head and hid his face from Lupin's prying gaze. "It's nothing. I just want you to promise you'll never leave."

Lupin smiled. "I promise, Harry," he whispered. "But I want to know what your dream was about."

Harry shivered. "It was a full moon." Nathan tensed. It had to have something to do with Lupin's being a werewolf. The Potter boy couldn't know or he wouldn't have come to Lupin for a confidant, he was sure of that. He must have interpreted his dream wrong. No, not dream, Nathan realized, nightmare. But what could Lupin's lycanthropy have to do with his leaving?

"There was a werewolf in a clearing. It was solid brown. I walked closer to it and saw why it hadn't attacked me earlier. It was in pain. I couldn't bear to watch, but I couldn't look away either, no matter how much I wanted to. It raised its head and looked at me with tears in its eyes. Next thing I knew, it was dead. And I-I buried it..." Harry trailed off then took a deep breath, "beside my parents. I thought he would like that." Nathan stared at Harry nonplussed. Why would he bury it beside his parents, Lily and James Potter? But when Nathan looked at Lupin, understanding was etched deep in his face.

"How, did the werewolf die?" Lupin asked in a strained whisper.

Harry tensed in Lupin's embrace. "I don't know."

Nathan was about to interrupt in order to point out that Harry was lying because his smell had changed suddenly but then remembered that Lupin could tell too and kept quiet. Obviously Lupin had realized Harry's lie too. He quirked an eyebrow but asked quietly, "Is that why you wanted me to promise I won't leave?"

"Yes," Harry answered.

Nathan didn't see what that had to do with Lupin. It was just a dream. But Lupin didn't seem to share his thoughts. He seemed to understand entirely. "Harry, it was just a dream."

Harry tore himself away from Lupin, fury in his eyes. "That's what the other Gryffindor boys said, when I woke up screaming that I had seen Mr. Weasley get bitten! Was that a dream too? Or am I dreaming all this as well and the man beyond these curtains is just an impostor who happens to have gotten the same bite by the same snake I saw? It wasn't a dream. I don't take dreams lightly, Lupin, unless I know the people in them are already dead." Harry paused and took a calming breath. "And as the man in my dream, even though he was transformed, is not dead, I find no reason to not warn him of my dream."

Lupin gave Harry a small smile. "You have warned him, unless I am wrong about the werewolf in your dream not being myself." Nathan jumped, startled to find Harry knew what Lupin was. "Now, why don't you go get yourself some hot chocolate and we'll talk more later once you've calmed down? Sound good?"

Harry nodded and turned to leave. "You want some?" he asked quietly.

"That would be lovely, Harry," Lupin said with his biggest smile yet.

Harry pulled back the curtain and walked out, leaving Nathan alone with Lupin again. Nathan cleared his throat and Lupin looked up, startled. "Oh, sorry. I...drifted off for a moment."

Nathan smirked. "Not hard to do when you just had Harry Potter tell you that he had a dream where he saw you die."

"Yes, well, I'm hoping this is one of the ones, where he's wrong. I believe it is, but it obviously shook him up." Lupin ran a hand over his face.

"He's close to you?"

"No. I never had an opportunity to see him after James and Lily died. I met him again after I became Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts two years ago. I have since then resigned as my condition makes me too dangerous for the students if I happen to miss taking my potion. I have since then kept contact with Harry. We have never been able to become very close as he is always at school and I am often cranky and…overprotective. Must be the wolf in me. James always said he and the others would never get homesick with me around. Said I was too motherly. Course Sirius just usually blew me off. Said I needed to loosen up. He succeeded after about four years."

"Sirius Black?" Nathan asked. "He's the convict you were talking about!"

Lupin locked eyes with him. "Yes. Sirius has always been like a brother to me, just like he was to James, and James to me. We were family in all but blood. Sirius always joked that I was the mom, he and James were the delinquent kids, and Peter was the ignorant puppy. But we were more like blood brothers. We functioned like one person in four bodies." Lupin's eyes shown brightly but they dimmed quickly. "That is, until everything went wrong. One minute we were celebrating every holiday together, enjoying ourselves at Godric's Hollow, the next thing I know, James and Lily are dead, Harry's off to live with Lily's sister, Peter is dead, and Sirius is in jail for killing Peter and betraying us all. If only I had known that Sirius was innocent and Peter was the rat who sold us out." Lupin's hands clenched on his knees.

Nathan frowned. "But you still have Harry."

Lupin looked up at him. "Harry and Sirius are all I have left. One's a wanted criminal and the other's the wizarding world's hero. We're just one dysfunctional family."

"He knows you're a werewolf, right?" Lupin nodded. "Then why wasn't he scared of you? He wasn't revolted. He wanted solace and he came to you for it, even knowing what you are." Lupin nodded again. "Do you think that could happen for me too, what you have with Harry Potter and Sirius Black, even though he is a murderer?"

"One, he is not a murderer. Two, what would you do if the life you worked to build for ten years fell to pieces because of someone you thought was like family to you? Would you be able to sit there while he got away?" Lupin sat back again, fiddling with a hole in his robes. "Being a werewolf isn't easy. I'll tell you that from the start. But when you have people like James, Sirius, and Harry, well, it can't get much better. I hope you can find someone like that. Everyone deserves friends like I've had, but, unfortunately, not many people find them." Lupin stood up and stretched. He walked to the curtain and grabbed onto the drab fabric. He paused and looked around at Nathan one more time.

"You're a broken man, Nathan, we all are. But with the right people, you learn to forget that, and you even start to heal. But choose your friends wisely or you'll find yourself right back where you started. I've been through the cycle a couple times already. That's enough for me. Just find something that makes you happy, that makes you forget who you are, what you are, and take it one step at a time. We all have to fall sometimes; some of us just fall harder than others. And that makes it even more difficult to get back up, but here I am. You can do it too. Just don't give up hope. Owl me if you need anything." Lupin smiled one more time and walked through the gap in the curtain.

Nathan stared at the curtain and blinked a few times before coming back to reality. He bit his lip and looked at the spot where Lupin had disappeared. The man walked with a subdued confidence and yet a purposeful stride. Nathan frowned at the covers over his legs. He hadn't been out of bed for weeks, even though he had been given permission some time before. He ripped the covers away from himself and grabbed the bedside table. He swung himself out of bed and took a few shaky steps forward. It was like learning to crawl again.

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25


End file.
